• I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.
• I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
• My reality check bounced.
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
• I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
• You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
• Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Ljudmila Ulitskaja, one of today’s most respected Russian writers, few days ago wrote: “Guys would you, by any chance, please go to hell?”.

“I am referring to those who lay siege to an embassy, vandalize grocery stores, chase after Georgian wine and then Estonian cheese — this feckless gang of hooligans who desecrate gravestones with paint, and earn their living through feuds, hatred and guns.
…
Estonians are not obliged to celebrate the Soviet regime that forcibly introduced collectivization and industrialization, and repressed their people. This also applies to our soldier, a liberator whom they are not obliged to venerate. Graves, yes everybody should honour the graves. Honour the graves of foreigners and the graves of their own. Yet, you guys demand this respect from another nation when you have yet to learn how to respect your own dead in their graves!”