Dilbert’s Words of Wisdom

  • I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
  • My reality check bounced.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
  • You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  • Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Dilbert’s Words of Wisdom