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- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.
- I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
- My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.